it's just me by charles bukowski

i'm such an unpopular human
being.
i should have been born a frog,
or perhaps something a bit higher
up the trunk of a birch tree:
a red-headed woodpecker?
a bushy-tailed squirrel?

i don't seem to fit in anywhere.
in cafes, restaurants,
i say strange things to the
waiters and waitresses,
nothing ugly,
just rather airy
and not quite
befitting.
i find it funny
but nobody else does
especially the lady with me:
"you embarrass me in
public!"

on freeways i also seem
out of place.
i slow down to allow people
who are changing lanes
to move into the space in front
of me.

i did this once
while driving with a
young lady.
she exploded in
scornful laughter:
"you don't HAVE to do
that!"

i am often at a loss
when confronted by a crisis.
once an old man
next to me
on the sidewalk
tripped and fell.
i only stared down at
him.
others rushed up
to help
(i never seem to be in
sync with the rest of
humanity)
but my first reaction had been
to think that
if i was that old man
i wouldn't want anybody touching
me
or trying to help
me.

i should have been born a rogue elephant
or a giant lizard scorched by the sun.
for example,
a friend will point a woman out
to me
and say,
"God, isn't she beautiful!"
and i will look at that face
and see a determination
a threat
so great
that i wonder why the gods
do not place a warning sign on her
that says
"LOOK OUT FOR THIS ONE
UNLESS YOU WISH TO DIE A LINGERING
DEATH."

i guess i am just out of step
with most others.
for instance, i don't sleep
like most
at regular hours.
this has given me much trouble in my
relationships.
suddenly, say at 3 pm,
on any afternoon
i might disrobe
climb into bed and
announce,
"i'm going to sleep now."
i do this beause i feel
like sleeping then
and like to believe that
i have a right to this animal
freedom.
yet some of the ladies i have known
have found this
inconvenient
selfish
and have finally left
me
because of that
(but they would have left me
for some other reason
anyhow,
or if not,
i would have left
them).

it's a sad fact but
i disagree with almost everyone i know.
i think most movies are terrible
and television is even worse.
there is nothing i hate more than idle
conversation.
the exploration of space
bores me
and i can find more of interest
in the daily newspaper than in
all the literature of
all the centuries.

happy to be alone
i sit here at 3 am and
clip my toenails as
i think about
my favorite philosopher
who said:
"i am popeye the sailor man
i live in a garbage can
i like to go swimmin'
with bow-legged wimmin
and i yam what i yam
what i yam!"

put that in your smoke and
pipe it.